india: misunderstood and maximum

As any other country usually is, India is a misunderstood nation. It’s also natural for most people to be thoroughly confused about Indian stuff. Have you seen how many religions, languages, festivals, and cuisines we have? As an Indian who’s lived in India her entire life, I still haven’t explored all of my country’s traits. It’s complex, but it’s ours to love!

Of late, India has been in the news for a number of reasons. The good ones include stories like a highly talented and hard-working Indian makes it to the top of the ladder at Google. Or other achievements in Sports or Science. We cheer. The bad ones include the beef ban in one of the Indian states, crime against women, something or the other to do with Modi’s government, and perhaps the latest being the ridiculous porn ban. I think the Indian authorities love to “ban” stuff. If only they would use this power to ban things that desperately need to be banished.

I have always had issues with stereotypes, as do most of you readers I hope. Indians in fact have some of the funnest and funniest stereotypes, generated and passed along since decades. Especially since we all became a part of this awesome movement called globalization! I recently watched a humor-based video on YouTube, wherein the speaker connected the porn ban in India with the fact that India gave birth to the “Kama Sutra.” Everyone laughed. He was pointing out the irony, I guess. But that’s when I realized that ignorance or absence of knowledge about certain cultures or communities, whether deliberate or unintended, can really give rise to more stereotypes.

Hence, this post. Something that I wanted to write since a while now, as these stories about India keep flashing across all media, in different forms and degrees.

For the unassuming and open-minded readers, let’s get a few basics out of the way. Let’s start by looking at things India is made out to be overly famous for (and when I say overly, I mean “done-to-death-with”).

[Psst: Take this post with a pinch of salt and a whole lot of spirit!]

1. Gandhi
   Every time they speak of India’s freedom struggle, there’s one man who stands tall and proud (apart from the Brits, of course). The man who embraced Khadi, making it Fab India‘s biggest USP to date. The man who gave the spinning wheel a new spin. The man who made us look at salt, like we never did before. The man who walked. Almost all foreign references to the Indian freedom movement highlights the bald man with the walking stick. If only those who make these references would also read up a bit about his chaste habits, you’d perhaps change your mind. If not, just go buy a Khadi kurta and roam the streets of India. Because that’s what ALL Indians do.

   And also, there were hundreds of other lesser known individuals who fought like shit and gave up their lives and privileges just for an Independent India.

2. Kama Sutra
   “India is the land that gave us Kama Sutra.” If I hear one more person utter this line, I will hit him with a hardbound copy of the book (it’s a heavy book, I presume).

   Please stop fooling yourselves if you think “sex” is freely discussed and practiced around the country. Oh wait, my bad. People do it, but they just pretend they don’t, because it’s a shameful, indecent act. So “sex” is bleeped out and censored from all our television references, so much so that in one show, “sex” in the context of a baby’s gender was bleeped out too! I think I nearly died laughing that day.

   So yes, as I was saying, we don’t know where so many babies come from. I swear, we don’t. We’ve tried educating ourselves, but we feel shy to use the word s**. We do “it” all the freaking time, but we will be arrested if we’re caught doing it “behind closed doors, with consent, but outside of marriage.” We do it all the time, but we refuse to speak about contraception and effective birth control.

   Oh wait, now I know where so many babies come from. Have you seen our population? Of course, you have. Can’t you spot our country bursting at the seams from your continent? Or perhaps even from the Moon?

   But we will not implement any strict immigration laws, to protect our citizens. Everyone is free to come and start living in India – especially if you’re fair skinned and can dance in item songs in a Bollywood film. You’ll be extremely comfortable in our country as everyone follows you around in awe and fascination.

   What I’m trying to say is, don’t assume that because this sex manual was written by an Indian guy, that topics like erotica, sexuality, and sex positions can be talked about freely. (See how many cringe just reading those words? Ha.)

3. Rich Dad – Poor Dad
   a.k.a. Slumdog Millionaire a.k.a Frieda Pinto’s fluke ride to success

   So you have a huge gaping disparity between classes and masses. You have the richer getting richer and the poorer getting poorer. There’s the inexplicable fascination with the poor – the beggars, slum-dwellers, the immigrants, the criminals, the occasional rags-to-riches-story – everyone falls into this category; there is no way to determine who is poor or not. Have you read those articles on how some of India’s beggars are the richest people but choose to continue begging? Have you?

   On one hand, you have foreigners coming to India, raving about the conditions of poverty (a one-sided perspective), making movies and winning prizes for their efforts of bringing “true India to light.” We applaud your insights; our lives are more enriched now, thank you.

   On the other hand, you have the richest people making waves because they made more money. And then some more. Then, there’s that tax evasion scam. And some rich family property dispute because the already rich daughter-in-law wants to become richer and make front page news.

   In the midst of all this richness and poorness, the taxpayer gets screwed. We work hard. And then some more. And pay bills. Provide for others. We file timely IT returns while reminding others to do theirs. We try to stay safe. We try to keep the faith. We don’t give up.

4. The way ALL Indians speak
   That accent…Not every Indian has an accent as predictable (and unsure) as Rajesh Koothrappali from The Big Bang Theory. Not every Indian bobs his/her head to the amusement of others. And even if an Indian (or any person) has an accent, it only goes to show the diversity of the country they come from. From my experience, many Indians have unrivaled communication skills and do not choose to focus on petty issues like how vernacular is my accent.

   So many ethnicities get stereotyped in relation to their accents. Heck, Indians do that for each other (Remember how India has SO many languages and communities?) There’s no right or wrong here. We’re just really fed up of the usual “Outsourced” kind of jokes and labels. Maybe if you come up with new ones, we’ll laugh with you?

5. (The dynamic between) Curries and Loosies
   If eating Indian food is giving you the runs or making you feel like a rocket about to launch, then please don’t eat it. Or eat food that has less spice. We do make dishes (and lots of them) that are not fire-in-your-mouth-and-ass spicy. Believe it or not, so many Indians cannot tolerate spice. So please don’t assume that every Indian “curry” has lots of masala and will probably send you running off to the nearest loo.

   Oh and yes, Indian food can be healthy too! Google it.

6. (Ugh) Butter Chicken
   I personally enjoy Butter Chicken. But the overuse of this dish has me fed up. I think if India had a national dish, this could be it. Never mind that a majority of India’s population is purely vegetarian. Please enjoy your chicken curry with that piece of Tandoori naan. For the record, this food item is part of popular North Indian cuisine; there are millions of other dishes from other parts of India that are equally delicious, just less popular. Can you blame the dish, now?

   Just saying, there’s more to Indian food. You’ll get old trying them all 🙂

7. Yoga
   Please stop already with the “Namaste”(s). Not everyone says Namaste before and after Yoga practice. If you want to add an Indian-sounding word, to give authenticity, then try some other word. I’m sure you have at least one Indian friend who can help you out here.

   Yes, Yoga is awesome. I love it. I practice it (annually). I love that people are embracing it insanely around the world. I love seeing so many institutes coming up all over, and new teachers emerging everyday with the dedication required to teach yoga!

   So I technically don’t have a problem with it. I’m just really tired of it suddenly become a worldwide movement. It’s not a bad thing. I think I’m just getting cranky.

*End of List*

If you guys think of any more funny and cool stereotypes that you see/hear from around the world, do pitch in 🙂 Apart from the ones out of which Russel Peters makes his living.

By the way, just saying: We (Indians) are mostly cool people. We enjoy humor as much as the next guy. We laugh at ourselves too. So here’s to us.

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